Happy Autumn/Fall, y’all! I’m so happy that we made it to the most wonderful time of the year! We ordered my favorite coffee — Pumpkin Pecan Pie — before Labor Day this year, and I’ve been sipping on and enjoying it for a few weeks now. (Read more about this in the next blog post.) I just wish the temperature would cool down enough to wrap up in a blanket and really bring out the flavor of the coffee.
In case you haven’t noticed, this is my favorite time of year because now until the end of the year, it’s full of football, festivals (Oktoberfest, the State Fair of Texas, etc.), celebrations (homecomings, my birthday, Halloween/Harvest, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s) and the temperature — eventually … usually by Thanksgiving — loses its oppressive heat and eventually, slowly becomes comfortable. Waiting for that to happen is the hard part.
I’ve written the book on being grateful — especially for new seasons. We experience new weather seasons about every three months. We also experience new seasons in life. That can look like any big change such as a new job, new relationship, new living location, the birth of a child, etc.
I love seasons because when one becomes too much to deal with or boring, you know a change will most definitely be coming — unless you live in a place where the climate is the same year-round, The same could be said for seasonal people. However, their departures tend to be harder to deal with and not as joyful. I don’t ever remember buying special coffee, air freshener, clothes or anything else when this category of people has exited my life. Let me explain what I’m talking about.
This is an excerpt from my upcoming book “Becoming the Magnificent Me:.” It’s available for preorder now.
When I was working as a newspaper journalist outside Nashville, my pastor there once said, “Some people are seasonal people, and some people are meant to be in your life for the long-term.” At the time, that statement hurt me. I realize two decades later, that I wasn’t hurt. I was offended — that’s much worse in my opinion because being offended is a choice we each make.
In the last 20 years, I’ve watched the revolving door of people walk in and out of my life. Some of them were supposed to be forever people in my life. I had to learn the hard lesson that even those you love the most and are closest to can choose to leave. When this happens, it causes change. These changes can be difficult, but they don’t have to be. It’s all in our perception. We can choose how we view events in our lives.
I’m not suggesting that this process of letting go is easy. However, if we truly love ourselves, we will know that we have to protect our peace, dreams, and physical well-being first and foremost in the same way that we would protect someone we deeply love. When we step outside ourselves and look at our relationships like a third-party person and set and enforce healthy boundaries (the castle walls I’ve talked about), it becomes clear what we need to do and easier when we look at the big picture of our lives.
If we truly want to shine in our own magnificence, then we sometimes have to let people go from our lives. I believe there is room for everyone to shine in their own unique gifts, talents, and magnificence. However, there are jealous people in the world who don’t want to see others succeed. They see the success of other people as a threat to their own success. They want to be the only person in the spotlight and have everyone’s attention. I’ve witnessed these types of people receive the negative attention they deserved instead of the accolades, praise, and one-upmanship they were trying to get. So, karma (or whatever you choose to call it) does exist even with these types of people.
You see, someone who is truly magnificent isn’t in competition with others. They are often trying to be better than their previous best—competing with their former selves rather than other people. They also want to see everyone succeed and accomplish their own goals and dreams. They are more focused on the kingdom within and rarely pay attention to what the latest trends are or who is doing what on social media or television. This is how you can know who to keep and who to let go of in your life.
During our engagement and wedding, I had to let go of a lot of people. I had seven bridesmaids drop out. I had to ask another one not to be in our wedding after she made a loud speech in a public restaurant about how, “They say the third time’s the charm, and hopefully this marriage will work out, but we took bets on the other two marriages and need to start taking bets on this one, too!” No one who I invited to our wedding accepted our invitation—including my remaining relatives—except for one family friend, my mother, the minister and his wife, two cousins who were in the wedding, and two other bridesmaids and their husbands. That’s it. No one came to my first bridal shower or bachelorette party except for some of the bridesmaids.
The beautiful thing about this story is that I got to watch my husband be honored and celebrated by all his people with most of his family flying in from out of state to be there. I also realized and was told by many of his people that I was now part of their circle. I was honored to be accepted and loved by these beautiful, quality humans. I also got to see who was really there for me by them not only showing up, but some even standing up for me to those trying to sabotage and make me look bad in front of my husband’s family and friends.
What I’m about to say is not meant to be offensive—it’s an analogy: The trash has a way of taking itself out. It also has a way of revealing itself and its negative intentions toward you. Just like trash can do nothing but stink, so do these types of people. It’s like the famous saying goes, “When people tell you who they are, believe them.” These types of people always reveal their true intentions—many times they outright tell you. Other times, their behavior is the tell. Good people often want to believe the best in others and will blame themselves for thinking negatively when they should actually be paying attention to the red flags flying. I’ve done this very thing many times in the past. Had I just listened to my intuition instead of arguing with it, I could have saved myself from a lot of psychological and physical abuse.
One characteristic of these types of unsafe people is a lack of accountability. They refuse to take responsibility for their own actions and blame others for everything they perceive to be wrong in their lives instead of owning their parts in situations, saying they’re sorry, and trying to make things right. A meme I saw in 2024 said it perfectly, “Mishandling people then avoiding communication is not protecting your peace. It’s avoiding accountability.”
When you think about it, trash is seasonal, too. It originally had a purpose to benefit you. Once that time is up, it just stinks, takes up space, and decays until it’s taken out. It’s vital to have gratitude for these people and the lessons you’ve learned from their treatment of you along with any peasant times you experienced with them.
Yes, they hurt you. Yes, they probably did you dirty in a multitude of ways. However, you can be grateful for the purpose they served in your life and for the fact that they are now gone and can no longer cause hurt and drama in your life. Thank God, the Universe, Greyhound—whatever you want—for their exit and the peace and blessings you are now positioned to receive.
“They mad because they can’t figure out how you’re still being blessed after they lied and built a whole team to go against you—But God,” wrote Deion Sanders in a 2024 social media post. I can say with confidence that you will receive peace and blessings. Just give it time, keep reading, and keep doing the internal work.
How to ditch the drama and live in peace
A lady in church many years ago gave me a prayer to pray over my relationship. It’s been many years since I looked at it, but I keep remembering a line from it that has stayed with me, “We both seek peace, and it keeps our hearts in quietness and assurance.” I just love that line because peace, quietness and assurance are things I value greatly and insist on having in my life.
There may come a time when you get so tired of the drama that you banish it completely from your kingdom and refuse to have any of it in your life — including watching drama on TV. Let me tell you that it’s such a freeing state to be in.
Senée Seale Luchsinger is a book author, mental health professional and life guide passionate about helping people transform their lives and relationships. If you’d like to book a personal session with Senée, she’s accepting new clients.
If you’d like a tool to help you transform your thinking and life quickly, download The Princess Guide to Gratitude Affirmations for free.
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