It’s almost Halloween, and many people are preparing to hand out candy to children in all kinds of costumes and attend adult parties. I recently heard that Texas (or maybe Dallas, in particular) was the No. 3 area for selling Halloween decorations. While some of the churches we attended while I was growing up frowned on celebrating the holiday because of the negative spiritual implications, there were usually alternative ways to participate.
When I was a little girl, I loved Halloween because it was the one day of the year when I could dress up like anyone I wanted. All that changed when I was in late elementary school, and a caregiver threw a smelly rubber monster mask on my head and a raincoat on me and made me go door-to-door trick-or-treating. I cried the entire time and swore off ever dressing up again. I haven’t.
As an adult, I’m really not a fan of dressing up as someone else. I’m not perfect, but I prefer being myself. I also believe in the negative spiritual implications of the day and have no interest in participating. However, two years ago was the first time I dressed up in 4-plus decades and the first time I ever was part of a couple’s costume. My then-boyfriend (now husband) and I were Clark Kent and Lois Lane — basically I was just another version of myself since I spent many years of my career as a print journalist. Most of all, I wanted him to enjoy a holiday he loves and also have his first opportunity to be part of a couple’s costume. The next year, after taking me to see the Barbie movie, we were Barbie and Ken — also another version of myself since little kids have called me Barbie for decades.
What other people do is their business. If they want to participate in this holiday, that’s their choice. I deeply value authenticity. The people who I admire most live authentically — as their true selves’ day-in and day-out. I told my husband that first year of dating that dressing up for Halloween is something that I won’t be doing unless I’m dressing up as myself.
When I was a teenager, I held a state office in a national student leadership association and became aware of the term personality masking. This occurs when a person doesn’t feel accepted enough to be their authentic self. We’ve already talked about this, but it’s my personal and professional opinion that most people wear personality masks and costumes because they are actually operating in fear.
I ain’t afraid of no ghost?
Halloween night 2021, I remembered something I had totally forgotten about. When I was in college, I went to a haunted house on campus with some of my sorority sisters. I am not a haunted house kind of girl. I don’t watch scary movies or go to scary places. I protect my kingdom within and don’t want that negative energy around or in me. However, that night. I went.
I remember standing in line with my sisters, and a couple of guys were next to us. I didn’t know them, but I grabbed both of their arms and told them they were going through that haunted house with me and instructed them to not allow anyone to touch me.
I remembered standing in-between them with my head down and eyes tightly closed the entire time. Those poor guys must have had sore arms for days after I got finished with them because I was holding on tight to both of them. I was beyond frightened, but I got through it (with the help of two total strangers).
What is fear?
Merriam-Webster defines fear as, “an unpleasant, often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger, an instance of this emotion, a state marked by this emotion; anxious concern; profound reverence and awe, especially toward God; reason for alarm.”
You may be surprised to hear that we weren’t born with fear. Extensive psychological research has been conducted on this topic for decades. Fear is a learned behavior, and like I always say, anything learned can be unlearned.
“A primary fact to know about fear is that it is removable … Enthusiasm with its immense mental and spiritual power can cancel out all fear,” wrote Norman Vincent Peale in Enthusiasm Makes the Difference.
Fear can help us get out of danger and even avoid negative situations. However, negative thinking is rarely productive and often leads to conditions like Anxiety Disorder and Panic Disorder. It’s my personal and professional opinion that fear is the basis of stress. We stress out over things because we’re afraid of the negative outcomes. Sometimes, these outcomes are just imagined in our heads and not at all real.
Dr. Wayne Dyer said it well in his book The Power of Intention, “There is no actual stress or anxiety in the world: It’s your thoughts that create these false beliefs … When we think stressfully, we create reactions in the body, valuable messages or signals requesting our attention.”
Scientific brain research by Joseph E. LeDoux out of New York University published in 2014 defined fear as, “… what happens when the sentient brain is aware that its personal well-being (physical, mental, social, cultural, existential) is challenged or may be at some point. What ties together all instances of fear are an awareness, based on the raw materials available, that danger is near or possible.”
Psychological research shows us that fear is both conscious and unconscious. The unconscious is more of an automatic reaction not usually even thought about until afterward — You know, the flight, fight or freeze response the body has in stressful situations. However, it’s the conscious fear that we ruminate over — that fear that takes us to the darkest places thinking of all the terrible things that could go wrong — that’s the dangerous kind that we can control.
“Fear can be a big stopper for many of us: Fear of fragility, fear of failure, fear of making a mistake, fear of what others might think, fear of success. We may second-guess our next action or word until we talk ourselves out of participating in life,” wrote Melody Beattie in The Language of Letting Go.
President Franklin D. Roosevelt famously said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” Think about that for a second … Living in fear, thinking negatively and allowing others outside ourselves to control us with threats of fear is a hell all its own. I’m human too, and I’ve had plenty of those negative thoughts myself. It’s legitimate and prudent to think about any negative consequences that could happen to you so that you can make an informed decision and an accurate plan. However, when we allow fear to overtake us to the point that we can’t feel love, hope, faith, joy and peace, we become paralyzed and unable to function in high vibrational energy — we become like an animal caught in a trap, and we have no way to stop those who are outside of us from controlling and abusing us.
Christ talked about fear before his death in John 14:27, “Peace is what I leave with you; it is my own peace that I give you. I do not give it as the world does [and can take it away]. Do not be worried and upset; do not be afraid.” The Amplified Bible further explains, “Let My perfect peace calm you in every circumstance and give you courage and strength for every challenge.”
I typically only focus on the words of Christ, but Peter had some good advice in 1 Peter 3:13–14, “Who will harm you if you are eager to do what is good? But even if you should suffer for doing what is right, how happy you are! Do not be afraid of anyone, and do not worry.”
So, how do we actually stop worrying and operating in fear? We start by controlling our own minds.
Senée Seale Luchsinger is a book author, mental health professional and life guide passionate about helping people transform their lives and relationships. If you’d like to book a personal session with Senée, she’s accepting new clients.
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